


Where Soft Voices Die

by burymeinziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 09:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeinziam/pseuds/burymeinziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, they’re connected. Even when they’re separated by time and space, life and death, Liam and Zayn are bound together by a force stronger than either of them had ever been able to comprehend.</p>
<p>sort of inspired by <a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174399">this poem</a> (its really pretty)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Soft Voices Die

Some nights Liam will find Zayn wandering through his dreams.

His apparition slithers into Liam’s subconscious, becoming familiar with the innermost thoughts and feelings tucked away within the corners of his mind. He doesn’t appear as often as Liam would like and the meanings behind the messages Zayn seems to leave hidden in the nooks and crannies of Liam’s brain would be lost forever if he didn’t jot them down as soon as he blinked his eyes open to the bright yellow glow of the morning, but Liam lives for the moments he can close his eyes and find Zayn strolling through his mind; a thin shadow with a smile brighter than the morning sun.

He can remember the first time Zayn came to him in his sleep a few days after he died. It was as though Liam was lost in a bottomless wasteland feeling lost and anxious and both his head and his heart were aching with the loss of the one thing that had ever made sense to him.

And then Zayn was there and looked just as he always had and for the first time in what felt like years Liam felt peace because Zayn was there. Even if he was only dreaming, and Liam knew he was dreaming, Zayn was there and smiled and held Liam close (and Liam swore he could smell the all too familiar scent of Zayn’s cologne) and told him he’d always be there for as long as Liam needed him.

But it’s not only when he’s dreaming; Liam sees Zayn everywhere and even when he doesn’t see him, Liam can feel Zayn in his bones Sometimes Liam will see him in the evenings wandering the streets outside of their apartment wearing sunglasses, his attention on all of the other night owls outside instead of on Liam himself. He’ll mumble a few short words, a puzzle that Liam can’t quite put together, and then Zayn will stare at him; stare through him, into him. And then he’s gone; disappearing into the crowd and slipping through Liam’s fingers like sand.

The worst part of it is Liam knows Zayn isn’t real; that he isn’t really there at all no matter how convinced Liam is that he could reach out and touch him. Liam has picked him out of crowds at house parties, spotting Zayn’s messy, dark head of hair in a sea of bodies. Liam will feel his presence before letting his body take control, letting his feet carry him through the house and calling Zayn’s name over the deafening base of the music.

And Zayn will turn his head and smile in that way that used to make Liam’s heart ache in the best of ways but now only sends it plummeting into the pit of his stomach because he knows, deep down, that it isn’t really there. Zayn isn’t leaning casually against the wall of the hallway next to a shitty abstract painting side eyeing Liam in that devilish way that never fails to make him blush and duck his head because he just knows what Zayn is thinking. But Liam smiles through it anyways because even if it isn’t real Liam would rather have this much of Zayn than none of him at all. So they stand together in the hallway, Zayn smoking a cigarette and Liam telling him about his day. Zayn drapes his arm over Liam’s shoulder and kisses his forehead, casually mumbling an “I love you” because he can and Liam cracks because he swears he can feel Zayn’s lips against his skin. Liam looks up and lifts his hand, holding it a few short centimeters from Zayn’s cheek, and wonders if it would ghost straight through him if he were to try and touch Zayn’s face.

“You’re going to make me cry,” Liam says, his eyes shining as his hand falls back to his side. Liam hears his name from somewhere in the crowd behind him and when he turns around, he spots Harry standing near the bathroom a confused expression on his face.

“Who’re you talking to?” He asks.

“I – Zayn – I was just…”

Liam knows he sounds crazy and he hates how Harry looks at him as if he’s something to feel sorry for. “There’s no one there, Li,” he says, looping his arm around Liam’s waist and leading him down the hallway. Liam wants to tell him that he’s wrong. That yes, maybe he’s not there for real, but Zayn was there and Liam could see him and feel him and it’s all so real even if it isn’t, but there’s no use because Harry wouldn’t get it.

Harry doesn’t understand how Zayn haunts him. How Liam can still feel his presence in their apartment even when his shadow isn’t there. How Zayn’s pillow still smells of his shampoo even though it’s been months and it really should have faded by now. He doesn’t get how Liam can sit on his kitchen floors crying over a box of cereal he’s never going to eat because its Zayn’s favorite and he’d bought it on impulse

Harry doesn’t get that Liam just misses Zayn. That on the nights Zayn doesn’t visit him in his sleep, Liam wakes up drenched in sweat with his nightmares still flashing before his eyes. Harry doesn’t understand that every time Liam steps outside he can still see Zayn grinning as he steps off of the curb yelling something stupid about how Liam would love him forever even if he did always leave his underwear lying around the house just before the taxi rounded the corner. He knows Harry will try, but he’ll never quite grasp the way Liam can almost feel the crunch of Zayn’s bones against the metal of the car; feel the harsh impact of Zayn’s body crashing against the asphalt.

Liam knows Zayn is gone. He was holding his hand when Zayn’s heart gave out and that steady, monotonous beep sounded throughout the hospital room. He was there when the nurse rushed in and gently pushed him aside while they tried to revive him and Liam had pushed Zayn’s hair aside and kissed his forehead just before they pulled the sheet over his head.

Liam knows Zayn is gone but he also can’t help but to feel that some part of Zayn is here and Liam would rather have something than nothing at all.

The thing is, they’re connected. Even when they’re separated by time and space, life and death, Liam and Zayn are bound together by a force stronger than either of them had ever been able to comprehend. They’re connected; they have their own orbit. Even as Zayn slips through Liam’s fingers like sand, Liam knows he’s there watching. Even though Zayn is no longer anything but a mirage, a phantom, or a dream, Liam knows he’s still there. He feels him.

Liam carries Zayn in his heart, in the deepest parts of his soul.


End file.
